The poker room at Caesars Palace has closed temporarily.
The space will be used for slot machines as the resort upgrades its high limit slot room.
That’s pretty much the entire story, but we were looking for another excuse to show off our fisheye photo of the poker room at Caesars Palace.
The closure is expected to last 2-3 months, about the period of time since we last had sex. And by “months” we mean “years.”
There have been some internal discussions about the possibility of a temporary poker room at Caesars, but there’s been no movement in that direction recently.
Poker rooms don’t really move the needle in terms of casino revenue, so they’re sort of considered disposable. Translation: When one closes, it’s not a huge loss. Unless you’re a poker dealer, of course.
Venetian doesn’t care, as it just opened what’s been touted as the biggest poker room on The Strip.
If your hackles went up when we said poker isn’t a big money-maker for casinos, please note Caesars Entertainment just sold its World Series of Poker brand.
WSOP sold for $500 million. Which seems to contradict our statement about poker not making money for casinos.
Life is complicated. Sometimes, two things can be true at the same time. Like the fact superhero movies tend to be terrible yet they make a lot of money for movie studios, or Las Vegas can be both the best (strip clubs) and worst (120-degree heat) place in the world. Complexity makes life interesting.
Take chefs, for example: Bobby Flay is a great chef, but Bobby’s Burgers taste like feet. Gordon Ramsay is mean to people on “Hell’s Kitchen,” then he’s a sweetheart to kids on “MasterChef Junior.” Guy Fieri can be a gag reflex-inducing goofball and his restaurants can be quite good. We could go on and on, but eventually we’d make a joke about Giada De Laurentiis and get canceled. Moving on.
In most casino games, players play against the house, the casino. In poker, players play against each other. The house takes a small commission, or “rake.” Playing poker is the closest we’ve ever come to raking. We tend to wait for a strong breeze.
Anyway, the rake in poker is a fraction of what slot machines generate in the same amount of space.
Poker rooms are sort of a public service, to give guys a place to go in order to avoid spending time with their families. (Yes, it’s mostly guys. Only about five percent of poker players are female.)
How we have managed to fluff up this story to more than 400 words, we have no idea. Thank you for reading this far. You would probably be a great poker player, as you have exhibited both a high degree of patience and an admirable ability to endure bullshit. Shuffle up and deal!
