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Monogrammed towels. A toothbrush holder for four, rather than three. Shared bedding. For people putting a life back together after divorce, mundane household objects can be painful marital reminders.<\/p>\n
Also difficult can be the absence of items that departed with the ex-spouse.<\/p>\n
Olivia Howell knows all too well how it felt, going through her own divorce in 2019 after eight years of marriage and two kids. Her husband decamped with his stuff and she donated other items that triggered unwelcome emotions to a thrift shop.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was left in the house was almost nothing,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Howell then got busy replenishing, and trying to make the experience better for others through\u00a0Fresh Starts.<\/a>\u00a0It\u2019s a gift registry specifically for rebuilding after divorce that\u2019s also packed with vetted experts if needed and other resources.<\/p>\n Divorce registries are part of a trend toward breaking the stigma of broken marriages, along with divorce parties and formal divorce announcements akin to wedding and marriage news.<\/p>\n Howell built Fresh Starts from the ground up with her sister, Jenny Dreizen, who found herself in a similar situation after the end of a long-term relationship. Nearly three years after launch, it remains a rare support resource offering divorce-specific registries for those starting over, and for loved ones who may struggle to find the right words and ways to reach out.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought, you know, I had a\u00a0baby registry<\/a>\u00a0and I had a\u00a0wedding registry.<\/a>\u00a0This is when I actually need things to restock my life. I need the community support. I need new towels. I need new sheets, I need new utensils,\u201d the 39-year-old Howell said.<\/p>\n Today, Fresh Starts has between 50,000 and 70,000 monthly visitors. The sisters also host a podcast, \u201cA Fresh Story,\u201d featuring guests discussing how they began again after divorce or navigated other huge life changes.<\/p>\n Erin Eloise Tulberg, a yoga teacher, actor and dancer in Brooklyn, has not yet finalized her divorce as she works out custody arrangements for her 9-year-old son. She started using Fresh Starts last summer at the suggestion of a friend.<\/p>\n \u201cThere was an immediate need for me to get my own apartment. I was moving into a place with absolutely nothing. I had no furniture. I had no kitchenware. I had my clothes and my books,\u201d said Tulberg, 37.<\/p>\n The situation, she said, was \u201ckind of scary.\u201d Originally from Washington state, her closest family and friends are scattered around the country.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was a great way to have my friends rally behind me,\u201d Tulberg said of her registry.<\/p>\n Flowers, bottles of wine, and a pile of \u201cI\u2019m sorrys\u201d or \u201ccongratulations,\u201d depending, are often how divorce news plays out. Those looking to support their friends or relatives don\u2019t often think about the need for a lamp or new sheets, Howell said.<\/p>\n They may also not understand the emotional impact that simple objects can take on. New household goods at a time of rupture and despair can draw community closer and become totems, a rebirth of sorts, said Leslie Jamison, a Brooklyn novelist and essayist whose latest book, \u201cSplinters,\u201d is a personal exploration of her own divorce.<\/p>\n \u201cPart of it is a kind of faith and hope and trust that a new version of one\u2019s life, household, family not only is possible but can be filled with beauty,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Howell, among the first of her friends to get divorced, had loved ones who checked in daily to make sure she was eating and sleeping. They sent Mother\u2019s Day gifts after her separation just ahead of the holiday. And they reassured her with standing offers to assist in any way.<\/p>\n But there was a lot they didn\u2019t immediately understand.<\/p>\n \u201cEvery time I would go into the bathroom, I would feel horrible because I would see a toothbrush holder for a life that I thought I was going to have. It made me feel so much shame and guilt, and all of those other feelings that come with divorce,\u201d Howell said.<\/p>\n One day, her sister showed up with a new one just for three.<\/p>\n \u201cI still get emotional talking about it because it was really like, OK, this is happening. I\u2019m going to be OK,\u201d Howell said.<\/p>\n For Tulberg, it was matching beds for her and her son. They share a studio apartment.<\/p>\n \u201cSuddenly, I had things from all of my friends that are real and tangible and not ephemeral,\u201d she said. \u201cI look at my plates and I know exactly who they\u2019re from. My friends say it feels good to be able to give something solid and real to us.\u201d<\/p>\n Many retail registries can be set up for a multitude of purposes, including divorce.<\/p>\n