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Childhood anxiety disorders impact one in eight kids<\/a>, making this a condition many families grapple with. But despite how common they are, anxiety disorders in kids aren\u2019t discussed a lot, leaving plenty of parents feeling unprepared and even helpless when it comes to raising an anxious child.\u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cKids with anxiety disorders can often be clingy, may have difficulty doing things independently, and can have angry outbursts,\u201d says Tyanna Snider, PsyD<\/a>, a pediatric psychologist with Nationwide Children\u2019s Hospital. \u201cIt can impact the entire family.\u201d Parents face the tough challenge of trying to set limits for a child while also validating their emotions, Snider says.\u00a0<\/p>\n But psychologists say they regularly help kids with anxiety disorders, and part of that treatment is teaching families how to respond to symptoms of the condition. While none of them say that parenting a child with an anxiety disorder is easy, there are tools they\u2019ve discovered that can make life with an anxious child a little more seamless. Here\u2019s what they recommend all parents of kids with anxiety disorders keep in mind.\u00a0<\/p>\n Tantrums are common in all kids of a certain age, but they can also surface in children with anxiety disorders. \u201cAnxiety can manifest as yelling or fighting you on something,\u201d says Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health<\/a> and a cohost of the Mind in View<\/em><\/a> podcast. \u201cSometimes it can be difficult to figure out if this is normal kid behavior or if it\u2019s caused by something bigger or deeper.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Those tantrums \u201cmight be really hard for the child with anxiety to control, but it\u2019s still really important to set limits and have boundaries,\u201d Snider says. Meaning, you don\u2019t want to chalk a temper tantrum up to your child\u2019s anxiety and assume you can\u2019t do anything about it. When your child settles down, Snider recommends reminding them that you have rules and expectations, and that there are consequences when they\u2019re not followed. \u201cYou still need to provide discipline and consequences in a matter of fact way,\u201d she says.\u00a0<\/p>\n Validating your child\u2019s emotions is an important step when they\u2019re upset, says Izabela Milaniak, PhD<\/a>, licensed psychologist in the Anxiety Behaviors Clinic within the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Children\u2019s Hospital of Philadelphia<\/a>. She recommends practicing something called \u201cdevelopmental empathy,\u201d which is when you don\u2019t dismiss worries that may feel like a big deal for your child\u2019s age. \u201cA child\u2019s worry may seem silly to an adult, but it is proportional to their world,\u201d she says. \u201cAvoid making comments like, \u2018It\u2019s not a big deal\u2019 or \u2018You have nothing to worry about.\u2019\u201d Instead, Milaniak says it\u2019s important that your child knows that you understand they\u2019re upset.<\/p>\n She recommends saying something like, \u201cI know mornings before school are rough for you. I can see that you\u2019re scared and would rather stay home. I get that: Sometimes I want to stay home from work because I\u2019m nervous too.\u201d<\/p>\n Gallagher stresses that \u201cfeelings are always real,\u201d even if you don\u2019t understand why your child is having them in a particular moment. \u201cWe can always acknowledge how awful anxiety can feel,\u201d she says. Gallagher recommends talking to your child about \u201cbossing back the anxiety,\u201d stressing that they can be in charge of their emotions and not let anxiety take control.<\/p>\n Ammon says it\u2019s important to try to stay level-headed with your child. \u201cSometimes it can be difficult to keep your cool when your child is distressed, screaming, or crying,\u201d she admits. Gallagher agrees, but stresses the importance of being calm. \u201cIf you can, stay as calm as possible,\u201d she says.\u00a0<\/p>\n Gallagher points out that moods can be contagious. \u201cIf you\u2019re in a crisis situation and someone else starts freaking out, your fight or flight response is going to go to that, too,\u201d she says. If you find that you\u2019re struggling to stay calm when your child is elevated, she recommends talking to their therapist for tools you can use or considering therapy for yourself. \u201cThe best thing you can do with your child when they\u2019re getting worked up is to be as calm as possible, reiterate their options, and talk about the choices they can make,\u201d she says.\u00a0<\/p>\n Anxiety can be tough to stop, especially when a child is really worked up, Snider says. \u201cIf your child is at peak anxiety\u2014a 10 out of 10\u2014sometimes we need to ride that wave,\u201d she says. \u201cYou\u2019re probably not going to make an effective change if they\u2019re already at that high of a level.\u201d<\/p>\n That can mean just being there for your child, hugging them, or giving them space to be by themselves until they calm down, Gallagher says. \u201cIf a child is having a tantrum or anxiety attack, we want to get them to a safe space so they can express those feelings,\u201d Snider says. This is a good time to help them practice the skills they\u2019ve learned in therapy, like taking five deep breaths together, counting backwards by threes, or any other techniques their healthcare provider has shared. \u201cThat can distract them for a moment, relaxing their body and calming their brain,\u201d Snider says.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n If something makes your child anxious, it\u2019s understandable to want to do what you can to help them avoid it. But experts say this can actually make things worse. \u201cThe main mechanism that grows anxiety symptoms over time is avoidance<\/a>, where a child escapes the experience of anxiety, embarrassment, uncertainty, distress, or other negative sensations,\u201d Milaniak says. \u201cBy the time an anxiety disorder develops, a child has repeated patterns of avoidant behaviors, like not raising their hand in class, not attending school, and not speaking.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n But repeatedly avoiding a situation can make anxiety worse, says Hillary Ammon<\/a>, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Center For Anxiety & Women\u2019s Emotional Wellness<\/a>. \u201cYou may have the instinct to protect them and allow them to avoid whatever is causing them to feel fear or anxiety,\u201d she says. \u201cUnfortunately, this decision to aid them in escaping sometimes exacerbates those fears for the child.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Instead, Milaniak recommends that parents \u201ccompassionately foster bravery skills\u201d with anxious kids. That means reiterating expectations by saying things like, \u201cI know this is hard for you and going to school is one of your responsibilities, like going to work is mine. What can we do to make going into school easier today?\u201d\u00a0 Milaniak says it\u2019s important to stay firm, even if your child starts to escalate. \u201cRemain calm and repeat a steady mantra to show that your child\u2019s emotions don\u2019t scare you,\u201d she says. That can include saying something like \u201cYou\u2019re having a big feeling response because you are scared. I am not afraid of your big feelings. We will get through it together. Emotions don\u2019t last forever and this one will be over soon.\u201d<\/p>\n If your child does things like throwing objects, hitting others, or running out of a car, it\u2019s important to have consequences for their behavior, Milaniak says. \u201cEmotions are always valid, but we must be accountable for what we do with them,\u201d she stresses.\u00a0<\/p>\n\nAnxiety can look like behavioral issues<\/strong><\/h2>\n
It\u2019s important to acknowledge your child\u2019s feelings<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Staying calm is crucial<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Sometimes you have to let them ride the wave of anxiety<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Don\u2019t completely avoid the things that cause your child\u2019s anxiety<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Highlight the good stuff, too<\/strong><\/h2>\n