{"id":213748,"date":"2024-03-15T16:30:24","date_gmt":"2024-03-15T16:30:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/michigandigitalnews.com\/index.php\/2024\/03\/15\/how-to-encourage-inspiration-instead-of-aggravation-when-others-succeed\/"},"modified":"2025-06-25T17:20:34","modified_gmt":"2025-06-25T17:20:34","slug":"how-to-encourage-inspiration-instead-of-aggravation-when-others-succeed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/michigandigitalnews.com\/index.php\/2024\/03\/15\/how-to-encourage-inspiration-instead-of-aggravation-when-others-succeed\/","title":{"rendered":"How to encourage inspiration instead of aggravation when others succeed"},"content":{"rendered":"

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When our frenemy gets the award, our initial response might be a clench-jawed, \u201cWell done,\u201d while our hands ball into fists. The good news is we don\u2019t have stay in that state, and with some practice, we can start to shift more reliably to our growth mindset<\/a>, from which we can thoughtfully formulate our next steps.<\/p>\n

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Recall the largeness of you<\/strong><\/h2>\n

You\u2019re bigger than your smallest response to the success of others, and reminding yourself of that can help you move toward your growth mindset<\/a>. Practicing self-affirmation is helpful in switching from a threat to a challenge state, by reminding ourselves just how large and multifaceted we are and how many interpersonal resources we have. <\/p>\n

I am not only a scientist (or a wife, or a dog mom, or a fun aunt, or a lover of Tex-Mex), I am all of these things, and you too are incredibly multifaceted. Panning back on just how broad we are\u2014how many valued identities we have\u2014helps to lower the percentage of our self under threat when someone else succeeds. <\/p>\n

If I identify nearly exclusively with my role as an academic and my next grant gets rejected, it can feel as if 90 percent of me is under threat. When I widen the lens and taken in all of my various roles, that percentage shrinks substantially, giving me much-needed breathing room where I can reevaluate the situation. While I\u2019m at it, I can also remind myself that challenge, and stretching beyond my comfort zone, grows my brain.<\/p>\n

Recognize the actor-observer effect<\/strong><\/h2>\n

When we see someone else achieve, it\u2019s like we\u2019re the audience in the theater while they take main stage. In our fixed mindset, we tell ourselves that they must have been born with special skills and that there\u2019s an element of magic and mystery to their success. <\/p>\n

In social psychology, that\u2019s an attributional bias called the actor\u2013observer asymmetry<\/em>. When we\u2019re the actor\u2014when we\u2019re the one who has succeeded\u2014we have a good sense of the path we took to get there. We know about the many people and circumstances that influenced us, who helped us along the way, what decisions we made, the challenges we overcame, and the effort we put in. <\/p>\n

In most cases, that journey is not available to the observer\u2014who only sees the end result. The actor\u2019s success seems magical or otherwise inaccessible to us when we are in the observer role.<\/p>\n

One way we can flip this is, instead of focusing on the outcome, zeroing in on the path the actor took to get there\u2014particularly their challenges, as these are most likely to impart insight. We\u2019re best served building this kind of perspective into workplace culture. <\/p>\n

For example, Atlassian<\/a> uses corporate storytelling in a podcast they\u2019ve launched, called Teamistry<\/em>, to share examples of how great teams achieved success, including the challenges they experienced and what they didn\u2019t do well along the way. Itzhak Perlman routinely asks his students what they\u2019re struggling with\u2014not whether<\/em> anything is challenging them, but what<\/em> is\u2014thus normalizing struggle. He then shares some of his own struggle stories, including how he resolved the challenges (and what challenges him still), and he coaches the students to come up with their own solutions. <\/p>\n

All of this underscores something critical: that other people\u2019s successes have value for us, as well.<\/p>\n

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